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Literature Text
Chapter 1 - Rebirth
“Your body and soul, belongs to me Nevermore!”
- Darkness
“We are the Fates...”
“We see all that comes to past; we witness all that happens; we will perceive the consequences of all actions. With us, we carry the knowledge to change; but, only have the whisper to influence; this is our duty. Hear us now, Scholar, as the story unfolds before you...”
“We are the Fates...”
“On this cold night ; approaching the winter months; where snow begins to descend from the heavens; dancing elegantly in the sky, ever so delicately covering all in a soft blanket of cool tranquillity. The mountains themselves; hold their heads up high, welcoming the season...”
“All would be at peace if not for the wondering soul; desperately seeking out the prefect place to be lost; to rest his aching heart. It is on this winter night, the Yong One will find what he is shamefully looking for; a way out...”
“The Young One’s mind is filled with confusion; his heart filled with pain. As he wonders through the forest, his mind reminisces on the past, which only brings tears to his once bright and confident eyes. The memories of bliss now only bring a crippling pain; the memories of the Young Angel...”
“The Young One Finds himself at the edge of life as well the edge of a river bank. Letting the sounds of the river flow over him, drowning out the voices of the Darkness that grips his heart and chokes his breath; for that brief moment, he remembers happiness...”
“Dropping to his knees, he holds his misguided salivation in hand. Tears fall from face as the voice from the Angel of Sorrow echos in his ears, I want to die! Holding up his cruel intension, he pulls back on the hammer and lets the world know of his pain with a click and...”
The sound of a 9mm round breaks the silence of the forest.
“The shot rings out and the world will miss the sound of his death, but will be noticed by a few...”
“The winter clouds open up in a blindly white flash, unmasking the pale light resonating from the fully flushed moon. Descending from the Heavens is an ancient celestial being; brimming with a holy aura. The thin layer of snow that sleeps on the ground appears to reflect her heavenly glow and brightens the forest...”
“The benevolent being gracefully lands next to the lifeless body of the Young One...”
"Why I agreed to this, I fear I am never know..." said the Death Maiden to herself.
The Maiden looks up into the sky and sees her loyal friends and servants fly overhead. The Maiden gives a whistling command to the two ravens as they both circle high above. Swooping down, one raven lands on the Maiden’s shoulder as the other finds its place on the out streched forearm.
Smiling at her friends,she gives them a nod and lets them fly off again into the night sky. She can handle her work without the help of her servants this night. Looking down at the body of the Young One; the gives out a long drawn out sigh at the situation.
“Your body and soul, belongs to me Nevermore!”
- Darkness
“We are the Fates...”
“We see all that comes to past; we witness all that happens; we will perceive the consequences of all actions. With us, we carry the knowledge to change; but, only have the whisper to influence; this is our duty. Hear us now, Scholar, as the story unfolds before you...”
“We are the Fates...”
“On this cold night ; approaching the winter months; where snow begins to descend from the heavens; dancing elegantly in the sky, ever so delicately covering all in a soft blanket of cool tranquillity. The mountains themselves; hold their heads up high, welcoming the season...”
“All would be at peace if not for the wondering soul; desperately seeking out the prefect place to be lost; to rest his aching heart. It is on this winter night, the Yong One will find what he is shamefully looking for; a way out...”
“The Young One’s mind is filled with confusion; his heart filled with pain. As he wonders through the forest, his mind reminisces on the past, which only brings tears to his once bright and confident eyes. The memories of bliss now only bring a crippling pain; the memories of the Young Angel...”
“The Young One Finds himself at the edge of life as well the edge of a river bank. Letting the sounds of the river flow over him, drowning out the voices of the Darkness that grips his heart and chokes his breath; for that brief moment, he remembers happiness...”
“Dropping to his knees, he holds his misguided salivation in hand. Tears fall from face as the voice from the Angel of Sorrow echos in his ears, I want to die! Holding up his cruel intension, he pulls back on the hammer and lets the world know of his pain with a click and...”
The sound of a 9mm round breaks the silence of the forest.
“The shot rings out and the world will miss the sound of his death, but will be noticed by a few...”
“The winter clouds open up in a blindly white flash, unmasking the pale light resonating from the fully flushed moon. Descending from the Heavens is an ancient celestial being; brimming with a holy aura. The thin layer of snow that sleeps on the ground appears to reflect her heavenly glow and brightens the forest...”
“The benevolent being gracefully lands next to the lifeless body of the Young One...”
"Why I agreed to this, I fear I am never know..." said the Death Maiden to herself.
The Maiden looks up into the sky and sees her loyal friends and servants fly overhead. The Maiden gives a whistling command to the two ravens as they both circle high above. Swooping down, one raven lands on the Maiden’s shoulder as the other finds its place on the out streched forearm.
Smiling at her friends,she gives them a nod and lets them fly off again into the night sky. She can handle her work without the help of her servants this night. Looking down at the body of the Young One; the gives out a long drawn out sigh at the situation.
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Comments23
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I noticed you responded to the strange narration you used, but I have to say it really pulls the reader out. The first thing a reader does when they pick up a book is figure out: what point of view is this written from? Is it written in past or present?
Establishing this quickly helps keep the reader interested.
The way this is written is confusing. If you need to clear things up for your reader, it is too messy. Showing/describing a scene using the Fates as characters - as if they are looking down upon the world - would take some of the mystery away.
Also, I think some of your longer sentences can be cleaned up into two or three.
Establishing this quickly helps keep the reader interested.
The way this is written is confusing. If you need to clear things up for your reader, it is too messy. Showing/describing a scene using the Fates as characters - as if they are looking down upon the world - would take some of the mystery away.
Also, I think some of your longer sentences can be cleaned up into two or three.